Warning! Extremely graphic content. For parents only.

The other morning began in typical fashion: Pete left for work, and I began to get the kids fed and dressed in time to bring Saskia to school. Then I realized it was garbage day. And then Saskia informed me that it was crazy hat day. Also, it was one hundred day, and she needed to bring one hundred of something to school.

I took all this in stride, because the coffee was brewing.

And then I went into Ariana's room and discovered that she had removed her pajama pants and diaper, and pushed out three firm bowel movements which she had flung over the crib railing onto the rug. Then she had had a series of loose bowel moments which she had smeared on multiple surfaces including, but not limited to, her hair, the sheets and comforter, a doll and several stuffed puppies, her bottle and the railing spindles.

As I was exclaiming over the scene, Leif poked his head in the door to investigate the commotion. He took it all in with a look of utter revulsion. He began to retch.

He ran to the bathroom, opened a drawer, vomited into it, and closed it.

I dealt with all of that and still got Saskia to school on time.