Warning! Extremely graphic content. For parents only.
The other morning began in typical fashion: Pete left for work, and I began to get the kids fed and dressed in time to bring Saskia to school. Then I realized it was garbage day. And then Saskia informed me that it was crazy hat day. Also, it was one hundred day, and she needed to bring one hundred of something to school.
I took all this in stride, because the coffee was brewing.
And then I went into Ariana's room and discovered that she had removed her pajama pants and diaper, and pushed out three firm bowel movements which she had flung over the crib railing onto the rug. Then she had had a series of loose bowel moments which she had smeared on multiple surfaces including, but not limited to, her hair, the sheets and comforter, a doll and several stuffed puppies, her bottle and the railing spindles.
As I was exclaiming over the scene, Leif poked his head in the door to investigate the commotion. He took it all in with a look of utter revulsion. He began to retch.
He ran to the bathroom, opened a drawer, vomited into it, and closed it.
I dealt with all of that and still got Saskia to school on time.
You must be SuperMom! Our first four have never done anything exciting with their bowel movements (one pooped in the bathtub once, which I can live with!), and no one's ever puked in a drawer before. Knock on wood that our fifth will follow her older siblings' example! :o)
Posted by: Chandra | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 08:22 AM
Hiya, I just found your blog recently and I had to de-lurk to say WOW! You are one super Mama! :) That is a lot to deal with before the coffee is even done brewing!
Posted by: CodeCrafter | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 08:36 AM
AWESOME!! We had a poop incident recently with our 22 mo. old, but no one puked! The smearing is the worst, well maybe the smearing it on the face (mouth?) is worse...
Posted by: Matt Collinge | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 10:11 AM
Hmm. I have been seriously blessed enough that I can't relate to that scene at all. You've earned the 'Mother of the Day' award from me for handling the situation and posting it without seeming to be the least bit flustered. How do you do it?
Posted by: Diana | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 11:33 AM
Oh. My. Word. I see I have a lot to look forward to:)
Posted by: Amy Hoogstad | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 11:57 AM
Now go back and read your 'Fathers and Parental Leave' post...
Posted by: Hilary | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Oh...that brings back 'memories' for me. Nicole did that once too only it was in the bathroom, all over the bathroom. You probably weren't as mean a mom as I was to take pictures of it yet too..... She'll kill me one day. Think I will hide them for a bit.
Posted by: jac | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 01:27 PM
And I thought Elyse's regular aqua-dumps were gross!! So much for thinking my niece was a little angel! What happened? Too much "fresh" Vancouver air for her I think, eh?! Better keep her out of the inner city. Keep having fun out there! ;)
Posted by: Lib | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 01:52 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am so sorry for you but that is so funny! I thought I had bad days until I read your post. Thanks for making me feel like my kids are easy little angels! :o)
Posted by: Chris | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 03:30 PM
did saskia wear a poopie stuffed puppy for crazy hat day? the teachers would've been in stitches i'll bet!
Posted by: | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 05:53 PM
I had enjoyed a previous story you told me of Leif pooping next to Saskia's pillow while Pete was getting the kids ready for their bath but this one tops all!
Posted by: Danielle | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 07:57 PM
Cute. I know one of your kids has a book in their library called "That's Disgusting" You can add a few more pages yourself now.
Posted by: Dad S | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 07:58 PM
What a morning! Oh my goodness! You are a super mom!
Posted by: Sheri | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 10:05 PM
I laughed. I cried. I almost threw up in my computer desk drawer! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Tessa | Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 07:02 AM
I bet that cup of coffee tasted real good.
Posted by: celeste | Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 12:04 PM
What? No picture?
Posted by: Nina | Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 01:37 PM
I was already relating to the hundreds day scenario, but then the poo on top of that and then the puking?!!! My question is, what cleaning agents work best in such a case?(just so I'm prepared) Mothering must make the ER seem like a walk in the park.
Posted by: Mary | Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 07:22 PM
A few of you suggested photographing the scene, but that didn't even cross my mind. Truth be told, I don't find poop remotely funny. Medically interesting, at times, but never funny.
I only posted this at the urging of some friends. I was concerned I might lose a few disgusted readers, but you seem to quite like the poop stories. Enjoy; I hope I never have another one to share.
Thanks for the accolades, but what else was I to do? Make the six-year-old clean it? Call Pete home from work? Trust me, I thought furiously of a way out, and there was none.
Posted by: Martina | Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 11:11 PM
What fun! A couple times Mikah smeared poop around her room. I'm telling you, wet wipes are a marvelous invention!
Posted by: Erica Feunekes | Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 03:00 AM
and I thought I've had some bad mornings but yours DEFINITLEY tops any of mine! I hear you on the 'looking for a way out'...I probably WOULD have called Jan home from work=0) You're such a good mommy!!
Posted by: angela | Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 04:50 PM
The drawer. Then closed it.
Priceless. He owes you. He'll grow older. And then he should pay up.
Posted by: NotMartina2 | Thursday, March 05, 2009 at 01:01 PM