Wet nurses

A wet nurse is a woman hired to breastfeed another woman's baby.

Having fallen out of favour in the Western world around the end of the nineteenth century, wet nursing has recently been making a small resurgence. Women who want their child to benefit from breast milk, but want to return to work full-time and don't want to pump, for example, outsource the nursing to the hired help. Other reasons for the increasing popularity of wet nurses, according to this Time article, include adoption and breast implants/reductions. Medical conditions that preclude breastfeeding, or insufficient milk supply may also prompt mothers to hire a wet nurse.

The Certified Household Staffing agency in Los Angeles, California, hires out wet nurses starting at approximately $1000/week.

Another related practice that's also becoming increasingly popular is cross-feeding, or shared nursing, where mothers nurse each other's babies. The motivation can be practical, where mothers swap babysitting services that include meals, or emotional, where women demonstrate the depth of their friendship by trading babies at the breast. Unrelated babies nursed at the same breast are termed milk siblings.

My first reaction to this practice is that it carries medical risk. Some infectious agents, such as HIV, can be transmitted by breast milk. And as a physician who's worked at an HIV clinic, I don't assume anyone to be HIV negative until I've seen the blood work, and even then, there's the window period. So that super nice thirty-something mother-of-two Grade 3 teacher that lives next door? I might trust her, but that doesn't mean her breast milk isn't suspect.

And beyond the medical risk, there's the cultural taboo. I've mentioned the contemporary practice of wet nursing to colleagues, friends and family, and the consensual response was disbelief coupled with disgust. I think the perception of nursing as an intimate bonding experience between mother and infant, combined with an overriding view of the breast as sexual in nature, informs this opinion. In other parts of the world, such as Africa and China, wet or shared nursing is much more culturally acceptable.

So is wet nursing and cross-feeding a natural and practical choice? Or is it a medically risky, socially inappropriate practice?

If you were hiring a nanny anyway, would you consider a (medically screened) wet nurse as a more pragmatic choice than pumping, and a more nutritious choice than formula? What if you were babysitting your sister's baby, she were stuck in traffic, the infant were screaming in hunger and you were lactating? What if your newborn were having trouble putting on weight, and your neighbour friend offered to supplement nurse him for a week while you worked on increasing your own milk supply?

I ran into a girlfriend and her five-month-old daughter at the beach yesterday. I mentioned this topic, and that I had been trying to imagine any of my friends suggesting we exchange nursing babies.

"And could you think of anyone?" she asked, curious.

"You were the top contender," I joked.

She laughed. But it was a nervous laugh, and I suspect she was thanking her lucky stars that I weaned Ariana over a year ago.

Comments

[Leslie]

As a 50 some mother that nursed all of her children the last one until he was 3yrs old I think that breast is best but it should be mom's breast.

[Tessa]

Something about bodily fluids seems so intensely private. It's like spit, you know? Slobbery kisses from your kids(or hubby) are cute, but from anyone else... yuck!

[Niki F]

I think when this topic first came up years ago when my oldest was a newborn, I was horrified and could hardly imagine a scenario in which this would "work" for me. But after several years, three babies and a nursing experience that is 53 months and counting, I have somewhat changed my opinion. I would have no trouble nursing my niece or having my sister nurse my child. In fact, we have both nursed each others' children on a few occasions when "needed". I know this tends to freak out others out based on all the cultural taboos, but it really is not that strange to nurse a niece or nephew. That being said, I cannot imagine hiring someone to nurse my own children, so I guess I have drawn a few lines of my own.

[Dragonfly]

I have a friend who nursed her niece (she and her sister had babies within weeks of each other) whose sister had a mastectomy and was having chemo several weeks after giving birth (in Australia). I also know people who did similar things overseas (in developing countries). While it wasn't widely talked about it did happen, generally between sisters or cousins.

[JeanMac]

My first "little one" was 9'6 and I had enough milk for him and a wee one whose mom didn't want to nurse but wanted him to have breast milk - yes, weird, but I did it for 6 weeks for her baby, not for her.

[LovingLynden]

After Church I went to the nursery to pick up my son and when I asked how he'd been the woman told me he'd been crying but not to worry, she'd fed him and then he was fine. I didn't understand and said that he was only 3 months old and on breastmilk - and then I understood......... and was totally grossed out. I know she meant well but I think my now 15 year old would be horrified if I told him. Or maybe not?

[CodeCrafter]

I think the taboo against this is almost entirely social. Our society still has issues with breastfeeding in general so by extension has issues with wet nurses.

I think this could be practical and useful in a number of situations. My only concern would be the medical issues but with the proper testing that could be managed in the case of a hired wet nurse. If I couldn't breastfeed my child it might be something I would consider although it doesn't sound like something I could afford!

I admit when I first heard about milk siblings I was a little grossed out but when I thought about it more it really didn't seem all that weird. I have several close friends who nurse each others children pretty regularly so maybe I just got used to the idea because of exposure to it.

[Vicki]

A very interesting post... thanks so much for that.

I don't have any issues with understanding that the breast is not only a sexual form... but I do feel that it is (and not just a perception) a bond between the mother and child. If people want to share that bond, I don't see why not. However, it was something I treasured and am not sure would share with someone, especially someone that wasn't close to me.

Now, if I couldn't breastfeed for medical reasons... I'm not sure what I would do... it's not completely black and white.

Love your blog btw! :)

[Karen]

Interesting topic for discussion / consideration. I think that many of you are right, that our society has conditioned us to be grossed out by wet nurses. Remember the Dionne Quints? Women from all over North America sent breastmilk for them. It wasn't that long ago! Have you read The Birth House by Ami McKay? (If you haven't, you should btw.) Friends all nurse an adopted (orphaned) baby in it. There's a mum at our school - who nursed her triplets till they were all two - whose mother and grandmother were both wet nurses in Croatia and often nursed two or even three babes in addition to their own (due to maternal mortality). Shows how much milk our bodies can make - and think how many women are told they can't make "enough" milk when really babies can just be fussy (fussy does not equal hungry always) and frequent nursing *is* baby upping the milk supply. I would nurse my sister's babies no problem. I would also donate to a milk bank (the one in Vancouver I called once out of my four children and never got follow-up - should have pursued it). With medical testing nowadays and the WHO advocating donated breastmilk before formula I would have to support cross-nursing. Sorry that this is getting long - I'll just say that I think that the formula culture of the last 50+ years has really skewed some of the ways we regard breasts and breastfeeding (here I think of my usually sweet grandmother saying only cows give milk) and that before having children and learning more that I probably would have been a bit squeamish about shared breastmilk. But not now! ;-)

[leslie]

i thought this was a very interesting post. I don't think i would personally have a problem with it... among friends or family (yes, martina, i'd wet nurse for you). Friends adopted a baby and at the time I had lots of extra milk in the freezer. I donated it to them and gave them any extras I had. They really appreciated it. Would it have been so different for me to put her on my breast? maybe. Thus far I haven't been asked to do so though.

[Martina]

This was definitely my favourite set of comments ever. So interesting to hear your experiences and opinions. Thanks for sharing them!

[Janelle]

It's interesting that I came across this post after reading another viewpoint (that I had not considered) not too long ago. As a mother nursing her 3 year old, I'm not sure anymore how I feel about someone employing a wet nurse after reading this: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/09/13/here-tits-the-wet-nurse-and-the-revival-of-mammy/

[curious]

presuming the breast milk is "clean" and free of any nasty organisms, doesn't nursing from more than one mother present the potential for GREATER antibodies than one, alone?

just a thought.