Good doctor qualities can be liabilities in family life

Like most physicians, I thrive on competition. It's always motivated me, and winning is powerful affirmation. But motherhood is a different beast from the MCAT, pharmacology prizes and residency applications. No one's going to come out on top, and comparing yourself to other mothers is futile and dangerous ground. The competitive mother after gold stars is the one no one wants to be around.

The satisfaction of measuring performance by objective standards at work cannot be achieved in the same way at home. I can pick up the faintest of heart murmurs, I can suture a laceration beautifully, I run my clinics on time, but how do you grade yourself on raising a daughter well?

- Excerpts from my post today at Mothers in Medicine.

Comments

[Hilary]

Wow, it seems this is not exclusive to motherhood. I am quite sure my father grapples with the same issues - especially the irritability upon homecoming. I was always so surprised (and delighted) to hear from patients what a 'wonderful, wonderful' man he is. Hearing his cheery whistling at the clinic while waiting for my own doc confirmed this alter ego. My mother was quick to mediate - 'Dad has listened to others' problems all day. Don't bombard him with yours the second he steps in the door.'

[Amy H.]

Great and honest post, Martina.

I think just being aware of the struggle is enough sometimes.