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Thank you so much. You just don't even know...

Last year I had my third baby, and fell into deep, dark postpartum depression. I was so drowned in my children that there was no "me" left at all. I lost myself, quite literally.

It took me months of people telling me it was okay to do EXACLTY these five things before it sunk in and I did so. I'm so much better this year, but the guilty twinges still (still!) haunt me at times. You're just so right, though. Thank you for getting the message out there. I think for work at home/stay at home moms esp., the message cannot be stated enough.

Xavier Emmanuelle

Random: I love Honey's doughnuts.

This post certainly gives me another reason to list for why medicine is so perfect for me!


Thank you for posting the list. I printed it out and have posted it above my desk. I was looking for something to give me a hand in getting out of this rut I'm in (not going to call it depression, more like the doldrums), but as someone who lives alone and works at home, I needed some easy steps to follow.

Amy H.

Great post - helps me feel better, too:)

The Other Pete

And that's also why many full-time doctors can't retire; they don't have a life outside of medicine.

ER Mom

Thank you for this post. This was very timely for me, as I have been lately wondering why I don't find satisfaction and domestic bliss on my days off from my part time job in medicine. Recently I bought a sewing machine in order to redefine "me" and reclaim my time, and already feel guilt about it. Thank you for the reminder that these really are the things I need to preserve my sanity.

Mary Smith

I've been planning fun things for the kids on Thursdays (when Megan doesn't have preschool) and we just love it! When I just stay at home, I can feel a bit stir-crazy!


How odd... I read that list and though "yup... that's what staying home with the kids is like!"


I'm so glad that people found this post useful.

@The Other Pete: I find your observation fascinating.

@Tessa: You're lucky! Perhaps the difficulties I refer to are caused by part-time work, which leads to the inevitable comparing of work vs home experiences. Of note, I posted this on Mothers in Medicine and got little response, which I attribute to most of those readers working full-time and not relating to the post.


I relate to this post a great deal. Having worked in the medical field with happy and positive feedback,it was a vastly different circumstance bringing up children full time (and part caring for aged parents.) Fun things brought guilt along with them (for jobs left undone) and like you I had to "put work" into giving the children happy memories and making enthusiastic days to tell "dad" about.
Symptoms of an illness were there already but frustratingly not diagnosed until later as an auto-immune disease. At present, "home alone" during the day, and not able to do very much, I "still" struggle with guilt at filling time for enjoyment alone. The result is often that "nothing" is achieved. This vicious cycle has caused severe depression. Isolation and monotony alone, are dangers for mental health. You have done a great service to the community by drawing attention to this whole concept.If you can, find many more places to post it.
Thank you for courageously (by sharing your thoughts) identifying this huge problem.

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  • I'm a Canadian doctor with four kids. I spend most days in Vancouver and nights in the quiet of Deep Cove. I value idleness and reflection, which means I work part-time and we're often out of milk.
  • Credentials: BSc, MD, CCFP
  • I do not represent my employer or institution.
  • FreshMDblog AT gmail DOT com


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